How do you react when someone wrongs you? Do you lash out, or do you try to rise above it? And if you don’t vent your anger, do you manage to transform it or do you only bottle it up?
It takes years for a tree to grow and bear fruit. It takes only a moment to cut that tree down. If wisdom, compassion, and peace are the trees we grow, anger is the ax that cuts them down.
Anger, conflict, hatred… The Buddhist tradition has long recognized these as key hindrances to awakening. And root causes of suffering.
In this essay, we look at 2 Buddhist stories that teach us constructive ways of dealing with anger. These stories show ways of responding to conflict that may benefit both ourselves and those around us. Whether you need help dealing with your own anger or that of others, you will find some useful insight here.
Our anger can be directed at ourselves, our partners, our children, friends, or total strangers. Whatever the case, suffering follows. World events today are a tragic display of the power of anger, should we allow it, to create hell on earth.
Let’s see how Buddhist teaching can help us prevent that.
(You can watch the video version of this essay on YouTube.)
Story 1: The Reviler
The first story we’ll explore is an ancient one. It comes from the Pali Canon, the oldest collection of Buddhist scriptures.
This story is fascinating in that it recounts an incident where the Buddha himself became the target of anger and abuse. His response in this situation is a profound teaching in and of itself. A teaching even Nietzsche praises in his autobiography after reading the Dhammapada:
Hatred is never ended by hatred in this world.
By non-hatred alone is hatred ended.
This is a law eternal.
Dhammapada 5
The story tells of a time when the Buddha sets up camp with his disciples close to a Brahman clan. For context, the Brahman caste was the religious authority at the time and dominated the social hierarchy. Even kings had to pay their respects to the priests.
Wandering ascetics like the Buddha and his monks were very much the opposite of the Brahmans. They lived outside of society, refused to define themselves by caste, and explored alternative ways of living. You could say they were hippies before the hippies were a thing. This was something of a threat to the Brahmans, who were keen on keeping things as they were.
Anyway, soon after the Buddhists set up camp, a Brahman abandons his clan, puts on a robe, and joins the monks.
This causes something of a scandal, naturally. One of the Brahmans, later known as ‘the Reviler’, takes it personally. Enraged, he rushes straight into the Buddhist camp. There, he finds the Buddha and begins shouting at him a stream of invective.
The Buddha’s Response to Anger
The Buddha, probably just up from morning practice, waits for the Reviler to finish and then politely addresses him with a question:
‘Tell me, Brahman, do you sometimes receive visits from friends, family, or other guests?’
This immediately throws the Reviler off-balance, as he’s there for a fight, not conversation. He looks around at the gathered monks and answers the Buddha in a lower voice: ‘Yes, I sometimes have visitors.’
‘When you receive your guests,’ the Buddha continues, ‘do you offer them food, drink, and lodging?’
‘Yes,’ replies the Reviler, still confused, ‘I do.’
‘But if, Brahman, your visitors do not accept what you offer, to whom does it then belong?’
‘If my guests do not accept my offerings, these things remain with me.’
The Brahman feels awkwardly out of place in the silence that follows.
‘It is just so in this case,’ the Buddha says with a kind but firm voice. ‘You hate us who do not hate in return, you abuse us who do not abuse in return. We do not accept these offerings from you and hence they remain with you, they belong to you, Brahman.’
For a few moments, the Reviler remains completely still. He then does a quick, barely perceptible bow, and goes away from the camp, his eyes lowered.
Non-Anger for Anger
It is easy to misinterpret this story. One is tempted to think: ‘Yeah, the Buddha really showed that guy! You better not to mess with Big B!’
But this, I feel, is the exact opposite of the message.
We find the key to interpreting this story in another Buddhist scripture called Vepacitti Sutta. There, we read:
It is indeed a fault for one
Who returns anger for anger.
Not giving anger for anger,
One wins a double victory.
He behaves for the good of both:
Himself and the other person.
Knowing well the other’s anger,
He is mindful and remains calm.
In this way he is healing both:
Himself and the other person.
Vepacitti Sutta; SN 11.4
Anger is a Choice
With clear insight, the Buddha responds to conflict in a way that both ends the spread of anger and delivers teaching. And his teaching is two-fold.
First, another person’s attitude becomes our problem only once we make it so.
To become angered or offended is a choice; it’s just that we make this choice unconsciously most of the time and don’t realize there’s an alternative. We get hijacked by anger and only propagate the same enmity that hurt us in the first place.
But if we cultivate mindfulness, we make our minds less reactive and more capable of intelligent response to conflict. We do not identify with our emotions and this allows us to consciously direct them, rather than be unconsciously directed by them.
So, think about the last time you let anger take over. Could you have done something differently if you were more mindful?
Healing Anger
The second teaching in the Buddha’s response to the Brahman is that those immersed in anger have their understanding obscured. It is by guiding them back to understanding that we end the spread of anger and suffering for both them and ourselves. Sure, we don’t get the satisfaction of ‘putting them in their place’ by retaliating. But we get a much more precious price: mutual peace and understanding.
It’s difficult to respond with such insight when you’re stuck in traffic. Or when your kid’s shouting at you after a long day at work. But this ancient story tells us there are, in fact, constructive ways of responding to anger and healing the wounds it opens.
It shows us even the most unpleasant displays of hatred can be a form of teaching… if we are ready to receive them as such.
But oftentimes, anger has already arisen within us before we’ve had the chance to reflect on what’s going on. What do we do then?
Well, this brings us to our second story, told by one of the greatest Buddhist teachers of our time, Thich Nhat Hanh.
Story 2: The Boat
The story of the boat tells of a certain monk who seeks quiet for his meditation practice.
The monk finds himself disturbed in the village by the daily commotion of people. He finds himself disturbed in the monastery by the shuffling footsteps of monks. Even out in nature, he is disturbed by the birds chirping and the ants crawling on his legs.
Determined to achieve total concentration, the monk takes a boat out into the middle of a lake. He observes the mirror-like water surface and lowers his gaze with relief. Finally, the conditions allow for undisturbed meditation. Perhaps today is the day of his self-realization.
The monk begins to observe his thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations coursing within the field of consciousness. His ego-identity begins to dissolve and give way to a boundless, undefined condition of present awareness. And then…
*BAM!!!*
Something crashes against his boat. With his lowered eyes, the monk sees the outline of the object and recognizes it’s another boat! Immediately, he is filled with rage.
‘What kind of imbecile,’ he thinks, ‘would go out in the middle of the lake, see a meditating monk, and disturb him!’
The monk springs up, ready to confront the intruder. Once his eyes adjust to the light, he freezes. He sees there is nobody in the boat that hit against his. It’s simply a loose, empty boat, carried out into the lake by the wind.
It is at this moment the monk achieves self-realization. From that day onward, whenever he feels the stirring of anger at some person or situation, he reminds himself: ‘The boat was empty.’
Anger is a Story We Tell
This story rewards careful contemplation. It contains several layers of meaning, so let’s go through some of them one by one.
On the surface, the message is clear. The monk’s anger arises out of his own fantasy drama. He is ready to vent his rage before he has even properly opened his eyes. The empty boat acts as a mirror that shows him how his own mind produces the anger he experiences.
To the monk’s credit, he responds to the embarrassing situation mindfully. This allows him to recognize it as a teaching.
He observes it is not people, situations, and things that cause anger. It is the stories we tell ourselves about people, situations, and things. Anger originates within; it finds its external target only after the fact.
So, what stories do you tell yourself when you’re angry? Think about how these shape the way you relate with others and the world.
Anger as Projection
On a deeper level, the story depicts what Freud termed ‘projection’. Projection is a form of non-visual hallucination where we see in others the same feelings and qualities we repress within ourselves. It is a basic defense mechanism of the ego and likely the main cause of human violence.
The monk, who can’t stand even the footsteps of his fellows, clearly has some bottled-up aggression. To recognize this aggression as his own would tarnish his self-image as a good Buddhist. So, he represses the aggression. He then projects this repressed feeling outside whenever he gets the chance.
The empty boat, again, acts as a mirror, reflecting the monk’s projection back to where it came from. That is, himself.
From the point of view of depth psychology, this realization is only the beginning of a long, frightening, but rewarding process. The process of discovering the disowned parts of ourselves and integrating them back into our total personality.
It is what Jung called individuation.
This shows us how anger can serve as a tool for self-understanding. Jung writes:
‘Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.’
C.G. Jung
Discovering our repressed feelings is always frightening at first, but it can lead to a renewed sense of humility, compassion, and appreciation for life. We explore this at length in our video on self-realization, so check it out if you want to learn more.
Buddhist Emptiness
On a third level of meaning, the story of the boat depicts śūnyatā, the great Buddhist teaching of emptiness.
‘The boat is empty’, the monk realizes. While he imagined there was somebody – some self – driving their boat into his, what really occurred was the coming together of multiple causes and conditions.
Wind speed and wind direction, the coming loose of the empty boat, the monk’s decision to go out into the lake on this day and not another… All these factors and more have come together to form the impact of the two boats.
Notice how the monk later remembers this incident whenever some person or situation is about to anger him. But why would the empty boat still be relevant then?
I believe that is because the monk realized that even if there was somebody slamming their boat into his, even then the other boat would be empty.
Why?
Because the reasons why people behave the way they do are just as many and as impersonal as those that drive empty boats.
Genetics, past history, indigestion, cultural background, bad sleep… all these factors and more come together to drive people’s actions when they hurt or offend us. What we call ‘people’ or ‘selves’, are in fact, empty boats driven hither and thither by the winds of causality.
This returns us to our first story.
Everything and Everyone is an Empty Boat
Why did the Buddha not get angry at the Brahman?
If we think the Buddha repressed his anger to appear as a proper guru, we’re cheapening the story. The correct interpretation, I believe, is that the Buddha genuinely did not feel any anger at the Reviler’s attitude.
Why?
Because he knew perfectly well the Brahman was just an empty boat. There was no self there, shouting these hateful words. In fact, there was no Buddha hearing them either.
Our discussion of anger leads us to one of the most powerful teachings of Buddhism, the doctrine of emptiness. We won’t go further into emptiness here, as I’ve done a deep-dive essay on it already. I highly recommend that if you’re interested, emptiness is one of the most fascinating fruits of Buddhist philosophy.
I hope you’ve gained some insight from the 2 stories we covered. And let me know in the comments what lessons about anger you’ve gained on your journey. These may be useful to others too.
Good luck on the path and remember, what you seek is seeking you.
See you next time.
